Reasons Divorce Counseling Isn’t Working for You

All of us want the same things: love and happiness and, okay, money. Forget about that third thing and focus on love and happiness. When and where do you feel most happy? When you’re in a loving relationship, things are happy even if the finances are bad. When you feel loved, you are more confident about making big life decisions. When you know that your partner is there to support your every move, you feel empowered to take risks and, hopefully, succeed.

It’s Taken as the Last Step

Marriage counseling may be the first step in divorce mediation in Long Island. But in reality, it is the last step in a crumbling marriage. Couples go through marriage counseling only when the situation is beyond salvage. That makes it harder for the therapists and counselors to redirect the couple to work out their marriage.

So oftentimes, couples are in denial about their need for therapy and counseling. What makes these therapists better than them, they’ll ask? This denial that there is a problem is often the culprit to a life of misery and an eventual divorce.

Individual Trauma or Abuse Was Not Addressed

Couples may feel the need to do therapy, but the underlying reason for their problems might be because of one party’s trauma or abusive past. If that person fails to address the past, it can affect the relationship. Maybe the better process is for each person to go through counseling as an individual and then as a couple. That might allow them to work out personal issues on their own before acknowledging the problems in a relationship.


The Marriage Counselor Is the Wrong Fit

It’s important to find a counselor that both of you trust and respect. Sometimes, marriage counselors tend to treat the symptoms rather than offer a diagnosis of the problem. They’ll tell you to spend more time together and communicate. What they didn’t do is to get to the bottom of the problems. Communicating and spending more time together might surely work for a few months. These are Band-Aid solutions, though. They won’t last. Slowly, the old problems will crop up, and you’ll be back where you started.

Find a therapist who has a proven track record. Find someone who some of your friends went to when they were having trouble in their own relationships. Ask for referrals. Meet with them. If both of you are comfortable, go on a per-session basis.

It’s Against the Will of One Party

Both of you should be committed to therapy. Otherwise, the counseling sessions will only worsen the situation. When one party feels that the other party isn’t at all dedicated to fixing their marriage, the former will be even more resentful. Before you go to couple’s counseling, make sure that you are both willing to work on your problems.

Therapy isn’t for everyone. Some couples are good at communicating and finding what’s wrong with their relationships. Trying to fix what’s wrong on your own is okay, too. But there’s no substitute for making an effort to spend time together, communicate, attend a therapy session, rebuild trust, etc. Time is truly a wonderful and rare commodity even for marriage problems.

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